What It Means To Take That Walk of Shame At Campus

Anyone who’s been at campus knows there’s a Walk of Shame, that awkward walk from his place back to your place after a session of love-making. If you’ve never taken the walk of shame, you may need to know in advance what it means to take it. Here’s a scenario, you go to visit your guy at his hostel room, perhaps you find his roomie there and other friends, then they go ahead to give you space. They sure as hell, have already discussed in advance what to do the moment you arrive. He’s already told them that he’s getting lucky. So, like the whole floor knows you are there for the bang.

Even guys have their walk of shame. For a dude, the walk of shame is usually that moment when you bring you catch who comes to your aid in times of emergency. She has fake looks but at least she knows how to work you in the bedroom and to save you from using your hand to get an orgasm. That moment as you try to sneak her into your room so that few people recognize her is a walk of shame.
That moment when you walk faster than her, and she can’t help but wonder why you are not clinging to her as you head towards the room. Then there’s that moment when you are escorting her out of the room and eventually out of the hostel gates, you keep bowing your head just to be sure no one notices your fake catch, her bow-shaped legs and all the flaws on her.

For the girls, the walk of shame is even worse because society has made it seem like a cry for a girl to have sex whether a one night stand or even having friends with benefits. How do you take that walk of shame without shame?

You wake up in the morning; you grab your smart phone, time check, just 8am. You realize your smart phone battery is running low, he’s there lying down relaxed. You remember you still have the same clothes of yesternight, and peeps are now gonna see you go out in the same clothes which you partied with on Friday, but this time round, walking out with them on a Saturday morning. What happened last night? Gooosh, he finally hit it. That random guy that you had first ignored in club. You realize he knows some of your friends even.

Text all your roommates and see who’s available to come drop you some new set of clothes. Nil! You begin on the process of finding your stuff. Look for the ear rings, then your headsets, then you remember some of your bangles. Your hair is messy, so you ask if he has any combs to put it in order. He is a dude, he doesn’t even have a comb, he borrows one from the next room. He doesn’t even have lotion. You steal some of his spray but you all know it’s a gentleman’s spray.

Find all your shit. Dress? Check. Shoes? Fu3k, what did you do to your shoe? Damn it, those were your favorite. Whatever. Two Shoes. Check. Clutch…with keys, wallet, and phone. Check, check, check. Bra… Where is your bra? Seriously where the fu3k is your bra? And why haven’t your roommates responded? And WHERE is your bra! Shit. You really need to leave. You’re just going to have to leave it behind…and what’s worse…you’re going to have to do the walk of shame. Are you really going to do this? Just leave? Are you going to be that girl? Should you leave a note?

You slip on your hooker heels and sneak out of his hostel undetected. Those stairs from his room seem endless as you climb down on them. You get to the hostel gate, and the askari is asking senseless questions, you can’t wait to escape. Bodabodas keep hooting, some early morning taxis keep bothering you with questions and caring to know whether you are a potential passenger. You finally jump on a Jaaji to your hostel, on your way there, some university shuttle buzzes past you and you pray no one in it knows you. Finally you make it to your hostel, you keep meeting your hostel mates, go to your room, gooosh, your roomie is not in, so you go to the neighbours to get your key. Finally you have your key, open room, boom you close and the walk of shame is done.  Once there, you remember that you left your USB charger at his place, but who cares, you are finally free. The walk of shame is a long one, it seems like miles and miles.

If you’ve never taken a walk of shame at campus, then you’ve missed out a lot on campus life. The skills you gain from that walk of shame are numerous. Once back in your room, you have a hangover to deal with, then you are there trying to remember the s3x of last night. Why the heck did you give him head? What was on your mind?

The only way to survive a walk of shame is to bring the play field to your hostel. Or to make sure you always pack some extra clothing to take you through for the morning, or to avoid sleep-overs altogether. Girls have seen days. Walk of shame should count as a cardio exercise. It’s like a marathon. The other solution to avoiding a walk of shame is to only date dudes with rides, at least he will drop you right at your hostel.