TEN REASONS WE HATE CAMPUS BAES

These are the ten certified reasons why we hate campus baes, why relationships at campus don’t last beyond 3 months

1. Campus Baes are always on WTF. By this we mean, Whatsapp, Twitter and Facebook. Campus Baes are addicted to their smartphones. If your campus girl is on a phone while on a date, then she  better be calculating how much the food she’s ordered is.

2. Campus Baes have endless drama. Campus Baes will get mad at you for things you have zero control over. This one once asked me; “why is there girls in your course unit?” I had to apologize for that too…as if I am the academic registrar…

3. Campus Baes don’t know how to cook or to do laundry. When she comes to visit you, the best you are getting from her is sex. It’s the only thing campus baes have to offer. Yet we offer them love, transport fare back, our time and our food. They can’t cook. They can’t help out with your room chores.
4. Most Campus Baes drink like their fathers. Back then, they used to cook like their mothers, but not anymore. The only thing they will instantly accept for a date is if you assure them it’s to a bar. They hate the conventional locations. All they want is to drink, black-out and forget about their artificial hair.
5. Talking of artificial and fake things. Nothing on Campus Baes is natural anymore. Their hair is fake, the eye lashes are fake, the booty is fake yet they still want a real man. What’s real about them?
6. They use their pees as the reason why they can’t have sex. You call her over, she agrees to all the foreplay and as you get to the fruit, she exclaims; “Ian am in my pees…” When a campus chic tell you she’s on her period and still thinks she can come over. Come over to do what? To waste more of my time and money? Stay at your Olympia hostel.
7. Campus Baes are players. They have no true love. They will always assign a certain role to each of their boyfriend. There’s on responsible for the sex and orgasm department. There’s another responsible for refreshing her wardrobe. There’s another responsible for her Friday Night fun.
8. They claim to love god-fearing men, yet go out to date men that are far from god-fearing. Nothing is more attractive as the fear of God in a man. Ladies right? I mean who needs abs when you’re God fearing.
9. They will kill you on a dance floor with their crazy dances mimicked from Jamaican ladies. You dancing with a Campus girl and she intros a dance move with a clap? Boy…just shift back, she’s about to morphe something big.
10. Campus Baes will always expect you to buy them airtime and MBs and will still have the audacity to beep you even after you do this. So what is the airtime for? To call your mother?
11. Finally, Campus Baes are very confusing. You will never know their real faces. On Monday, she will look like Beyonce Knowles, on Tuesday, she will metamorphose into Sanyu Robinah Mweruka and on Saturday morning, you wake up to a face of Mama Fiina in your bed. They are always applying instagram filters to their photos. One day when they go missing, we don’t know which face we shall put on posters.
12. ADD MORE REASONS.